Experiment

Ok, imagine and experience this:

One of your legs is in total extension.  No knee bend whatsoever is allowed.  Now, add extreme pain, which increases if any knee flexion occurs even slightly.

So, with full leg extension and pain added, attempt the following:

*walking

*going up or down stairs

*getting into or out of a car

*cooking a meal

*sitting on a toilet/getting up from a toilet

*dressing yourself

How did you do with the experiment?  These are just a few of the challenges I have managed in the past 6 weeks.  Thanks to my Alexander skills, I figured our coordination for all of the above.  My point is that injury takes a toll that you can barely imagine until you are in the experience. Without good use, a person would be utterly devastated by the sort of injury I have experienced.  Even with good use, it is devastating.  Life shrinks in possibilities.  A sense of self in the world diminishes.  Dependency becomes a daily reality. All the emotional relief of activity is no longer available.  Sleep becomes a huge challenge as pain becomes a constant interruption.

How to continue with optimism, how to hope for eventual recovery becomes a constant question.  My surgeon, who has a limited viewpoint, says it will be 6 months until I will walk normally.  My stubborn refusal to agree to this prediction, and my insistence that my Alexander skills will speed my progress, are all I have to support optimism and hope.

I am already walking, with my very slightly increased flexion, with greater steadiness.  I can direct the injured knee out of my back more effectively with the slightly increased flexion, and I know that the nerve connections are operating well.  My lower back is far less distressed, and I don't have to catch myself from falling with the same frequency.  I am not as anxious about walking on the streets.

However, a long term recovery demands every ounce of personal resilience and Alexander skills that I can muster.  The road ahead is long, but I am determined to do my very best, as well as to continue to make discoveries that will hopefully be of use for others.